Thursday, June 04, 2015

Mano a Mano--Football and Fencing

              The hills are alive
              With the sight of pitchforks
              And torches too
              In thousands of hands

His effigy is in flames, and the fugitives from Shirley Jackson’s short story are gathering wood.  But thank God Brady has not been burned at the stake.
"Hut, hut."

The Colts versus the Patriots in the AFC Championship Game is like Sgt. Garcia versus Zorro. 

"On guard."
Garcia, who has a Z carved on the front of his field jacket, complains.

"Zorro uses a lighter blade.  If not for that, I would have won."

The next time they meet, Zorro uses a lead pipe with a sharp point and carves so Z's on Garcia that he stands naked with his clothing down around his ankles.  But the good sergeant is not undone.

"Well...well...who brings a pipe to a sword fight?  That is against the rules."

The rules--the Wells Retort.  Garcia is technically right but totally wrong.  The rules are not in question.  This is about gamesmanship.  And he was outplayed and shown to be a crybaby.  But, of course, no one mentions the fact that initially the referees did not take his complaint seriously, nor that they inspected the weapons before the match, and each time before "On guard."

Now Zorro is furious.  He sends Sgt. Garcia a note.

"Playtime is over.  Get your affairs in order."
Thus, the Ravens inability to recognize tackle eligible,* and the Colts inability to come up with a game plan and play with desire, inspired a diversion.  And so, the conversation is not about their bad coaching.  If only they had executed such misdirection on the field, because the Patriots fell for it.

             High in the box was the lonely Goodell
             Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo
             Loud was the voice of the lonely Goodell
             Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo

Brady's response was the right one upon hearing about ball pressure the next day.  He laughed.  After all, there is nothing like being lectured on virtue by a team that slinked away in the dead of night when they had an appointment with the Mayor of Baltimore the following day.  Yet those are the guys passing out WANTED posters of No. 12 to bounty hunters with the word ALIVE scratched out. 

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